The motivation to continue

How can I last for another five more years? I do not know.
I feel the need to be reenergised every morning and find meaning behind my work.
My soul feels like a plant that has gone too long without water.
However, we all have our commitments and our debts, so I have to remain employed.
The world is rich and at the same time, money does not just grow on trees.
In order to provide for those who depend on my income, I have to continue plodding along.

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. – 1 Timothy 5:8

Now, I can pray for my debts to be absolved and think that with no obligation to pay for my debts, I can be free as a bird. However, I must not forget that a man still must eat bread. Even after my debts are absolved, I will still need to work to survive.

There are still responsibilities to be held. Responsibilities to those who are dependent on me, and though I am tired, I cannot give up. Even though, I may cut down on my food and drink the same cannot be said of my family. The babies, still need their milk and the elderly need their gruel.

However, forcing myself to continue to work when my heart is not in it, is putting its drain on me.

Perhaps I am foolish.

For Psalm 127 says,

¹ Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
² In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to^[a] those he loves.

 

But I will never know. If the work is available then I have to grab it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

What joy and laughter? What providence? What sorrow?

There are just too many unknowns.

No matter what, I just feel so tired and fatigued. All I can do is to move along and complete my dues. Perhaps then I will be paid for all the work that I have done.

References

http://biblehub.com/commentaries/1_timothy/5-8.htm