Frustrations

Today, I want to blog about my frustrations.

I find with that I have actually become busier and busier with this and that. So much so that 24 hours a day is insufficient.

I am unsure if it is due to my incompetence for inefficiency of using my time, or if I have overloaded my plate.

Of course, I have gone on courses on how to increase my productivity and one of the things the trainer mentined is focusing on completing each job so that the efficiency and quality of the outcome is assured.
That means that I give priority to what I am doing and place other things on the back burner for the moment.

I have tried that too, and I find that made my family upset about me.

Often, I find that when I am the busiest, trying to complete my learning/ having to attend a syncronised webinar/ just doing work, that everybody else starts wanting my attention.

So that frustrates me.

Also, it seems as though some of things that everyone is forcing me to place their work as the most urgent priority and keep hounding me to complete their item. It is as if they have nothing else to do but to demand from me work.So how am I ever going to complete things that I want to achieve?

To tell the truth, I feel very much abused. Both at work and at home. Although I am allowed to lve I am not allowed to make my own decisions, and take things at my own pace.

This makes me very very frustrated and being told that I have 10371463075623476 faults does not help me at all.

So I need to go for a hynotherapy to cure me off my lack of emotions? I think that I am just too exhausted everyday dealing with all the rubbish that is being forced upon me to respond like a normal human being. What is a normal human being any way?

We are not all well behaved. When a certain behaviour or standard is demanded of us, we are expected to meet it. Especially when we have transitioned into an adult. Poof! You are to be able to change what you feel about things immediately and do it sincerely, without seeming to be faking it.

So what if I am faking it? Isn't that required of me?

But faking things has is consequences, that I am feeling for years now. Being totally hollow inside.
And now it has become a problem.

Why? That is because people don't want a person who is just faking things, even though things are going swimmingly along.

That's hypocritical isn't it. Humans are such demanding creatures, wanting everything to be done their way and results to go their way and at the end of things, they say, " Oh! I am sorry, I want things to be more real."

What?

So all the effort that I have put in is for nothing?

Apparently so.

And I found out that everything else is important to them but what you really feel. It doesn't matter if you have voiced out what you wanted. In the end, they will use your words against you by cornering you and not giving chances so that you will follow whatever they planned.

So what should I do?

I have yet to find out.

Meanwhile I did a search online and stumbled upon two articles, which I read and found many similarities of my life with what is written. I think that I will be rereading those and come to terms with what is happening to my life.

I will like to share the articles here.

Not much. Good luck.

Here are two articles I read:
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-dangers-of-faking-it-in-ministry
http://www.luke173ministries.org/466817