Daily pressure

Fear, anxiety and despair.

I am so familiar with these feelings. Sometimes, it comes in the mornings, sometimes in the afternoons, or even the night. It may be just a fleeting thought, or it could last for hours, days even. and the one common denomination is people.

I know, Jim Rohn always said, "Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.@


I do, I do wish. Though I wish it were easier.

My heart aches for a reason, that I do not know.

Maybe it is disappointment. I am determined to know.

At my age, I can hardly believe that I am still finding myself. Habits have been formed and I am going to change them.

Work takes up much of my say, then chores. I have to take some time off, to look for a Life, much more a Life partner.

My friend just told me " what's the worst that could happen?"

" Death?"

The truth is I am not that afraid to die, just what happens if I don't?

Hope and Helplessness

Is it possible to feel both hope and helplessness? That’s what I have been feeling these few weeks.

I wonder what has happened to me all those years that have past. I feel as if I have done nothing.  Nothing at all for my health, my wealth, my metal stability.

I feel as if I have regressed, and become worst as compared to 10 years ago. I have less disposable income, less freedom of expression and just less of everything.

I wish to write something positive, and I find myself grasping at straws. Is it because of me?

I have tried to build my castle, out of whatever material I can find. Perhaps the foundations seem shaky, I am not confident of what will happen.

Still I try and try to improve my lot.

Am I trying to do something against the Lord? To wish for something that is not promised to me? To what end have I done anything for myself and to what end have I followed the Lord’s teaching?

There are so many fears and unknowns, that I battle every day. I just want to find my peace and happiness. For great things come from personal joy.

Walking about everywhere, I cannot find the joy to appreciate anything. Everywhere I go I am miserable, whether some place luxurious, or another place horrible. I feel the same emptiness and pain. I feel burdened and dejected. The yoke of daily Life never felt heavier.

If I am to claim that I am humble, I am not. If I am to try to be humble, I do not know if I am.

How am I to leave this quandary?
Lord, please help me.

I wish more than anything to open my heart to wisdom and love. Where are they? What are they?

I wish for happiness, and not hopelessness.

 

Philippians 4:6-7

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 

Should I seek peace, I should first remove myself from my mind, and seek to please others. Who are these that I should please and how will I know what I am doing is in God’s favour?

I must look outside the problem to find the solution. For my months of searching within has yet to yield any solution.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%204:6-7

https://www.studylight.org/commentary/philippians/4-6.html

https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-24-answer-anxiety-philippians-46-7