I wonder what
has happened to me all those years that have past. I feel as if I have done
nothing. Nothing at all for my health,
my wealth, my metal stability.
I feel as if I
have regressed, and become worst as compared to 10 years ago. I have less
disposable income, less freedom of expression and just less of everything.
I wish to write
something positive, and I find myself grasping at straws. Is it because of me?
I have tried to
build my castle, out of whatever material I can find. Perhaps the foundations
seem shaky, I am not confident of what will happen.
Still I try and
try to improve my lot.
Am I trying to
do something against the Lord? To wish for something that is not promised to
me? To what end have I done anything for myself and to what end have I followed
the Lord’s teaching?
There are so
many fears and unknowns, that I battle every day. I just want to find my peace
and happiness. For great things come from personal joy.
Walking about
everywhere, I cannot find the joy to appreciate anything. Everywhere I go I am
miserable, whether some place luxurious, or another place horrible. I feel the
same emptiness and pain. I feel burdened and dejected. The yoke of daily Life
never felt heavier.
If I am to claim
that I am humble, I am not. If I am to try to be humble, I do not know if I am.
How am I to
leave this quandary?Lord, please help me.
I wish more
than anything to open my heart to wisdom and love. Where are they? What are
they?
I wish for
happiness, and not hopelessness.
Philippians
4:6-7
6 Do not be
anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God. 7 And the
peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Should I seek peace, I should first remove myself
from my mind, and seek to please others. Who are these that I should please and
how will I know what I am doing is in God’s favour?
I must look outside the problem to find the solution.
For my months of searching within has yet to yield any solution.https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-24-answer-anxiety-philippians-46-7
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